Finding the right format for your relationship’s growth
Screens have reshaped how we work, connect, and move through daily life. Naturally, many couples are now asking whether online couples therapy vs in-person counseling is the better choice for their relationship. With so much of our communication happening digitally, it makes sense to pause and consider:
Can virtual marriage counseling really be as effective as sitting in a room together?
Is one format “better,” or does it depend on the couple?
In my work with couples across California and Arizona, I’ve found that both formats have clear strengths – and for many people, online therapy is not just convenient, but deeply effective, especially when using structured approaches like the Gottman Method, which translates beautifully to telehealth.
Below is a grounded comparison of both options, followed by practical suggestions to help you get the most out of virtual sessions if you decide it’s right for you.
The Benefits of In-Person Couples Therapy
Meeting face-to-face can feel familiar and grounding. Some couples prefer the sense of presence and the ritual of arriving at an office, settling in, and having physical separation from daily distractions. In-person therapy can be especially helpful when:
You value a dedicated private space outside the home
You’re sensitive to screen fatigue
You prefer reading subtle, in-room body language
You find it easier to be emotionally open in a separate, neutral environment
There is something unmistakably human about sharing space together, and it can feel deeply containing for many couples.
The Benefits of Online Couples Therapy
Virtual marriage counseling has become a meaningful alternative that many couples prefer – even long-term. For some, it is the best online therapy option for couples precisely because it reduces barriers that might otherwise prevent them from starting therapy in the first place.
Many couples I work with come in person for the first appointments and then later will transition to online therapy exclusively.
Flexibility and Access
You can meet from your home, office, or even your car during a lunch break. This matters for busy parents, dual-career households, and long-distance partners.
Comfort in Your Own Environment
Some couples feel more relaxed and honest at home, especially during vulnerable conversations.
More Consistency
Less commuting means fewer missed sessions. For couples doing structured work (like Gottman Method Couples Therapy), this consistency is invaluable.
Strong Fit with Gottman Telehealth Options
Gottman interventions – such as assessment tools, communication exercises, and conflict-resolution structures – translate extremely well to telehealth. The method is already highly organized and goal-focused, making it ideal for online work.
I regularly work with couples online throughout California and Arizona, and for many, telehealth has offered a level of accessibility and follow-through that simply wouldn’t have been possible in person.
Online Couples Therapy vs In-Person: So Which Is Better?
The truth is, neither format is universally better – it’s about what helps you feel safe, supported, and able to engage.
If you’re weighing these options, here are a few guiding questions:
Do we have a quiet, private room to meet from?
Does one of us travel often, work shift hours, or have childcare limitations?
Do we find screens distracting, or do they actually make it easier to open up?
Are we seeking Gottman-based structure, which works beautifully via telehealth?
Do we have the time to make it to Encinitas and back for a regular appointment, or will the logistics become a pain point?
Most couples are surprised to discover that their connection, progress, and therapeutic outcomes remain equally strong online – sometimes even stronger because of the ease and consistency.
How to Get the Most Out of Virtual Marriage Counseling
If you choose telehealth, a few simple steps can make sessions smoother and more meaningful. These are adapted from what I often share with my clients:
1. Use a computer, not a phone or tablet.
Holding a device for 50 - 90 minutes is distracting and uncomfortable. A computer creates stability and allows you to stay present.
2. Restart your device before the session.
A quick reboot frees up processing power and prevents microphone, audio, and camera glitches. Restarts also implement software updates that happen automatically.
3. Choose your newer device when possible.
Newer computers handle video far more smoothly. (You don’t need anything fancy - just use your best option.)
4. Turn off WiFi on extra devices.
Ask family members to pause streaming or gaming for the hour. Fewer devices = fewer disruptions.
5. Use headphones or earbuds.
This reduces echo, improves sound clarity, and adds a sense of privacy.
6. Have what you need within arm’s reach.
Water, tissues, a notebook, last session’s homework, and anything that helps you stay grounded.
7. Sit facing the light, not with the light behind you.
Good lighting helps us connect visually, which is especially important online.
8. Arrive 2 - 5 minutes early.
Just like in-person therapy, giving yourself a small transition helps you settle into the work.
Choosing the Format That Supports Your Relationship Most
Both online and in-person sessions can be deeply effective. What matters most is the environment that helps you – and your partner – show up openly, consistently, and with intention. If you’re unsure which format fits your relationship best, we can talk through it together.
If you’re considering couples therapy in Encinitas or anywhere in California/Arizona via telehealth, I’d be glad to help you determine whether my approach is the right fit.
You’re welcome to reach out for a consultation to explore your next step.
The content provided in this blog is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for personalized mental health care, diagnosis, or treatment, and does not create a therapist–client relationship between me and the reader.
I am a licensed therapist authorized to provide counseling services only in the states where I hold an active unrestricted license. Readers outside those states should understand that the insights shared here are general and not tailored to individual circumstances.
If you found this post helpful or want to explore these ideas further, I encourage you to reach out to a qualified local mental health provider for support and clarification specific to your situation. If you ever experience a crisis or thoughts of harm to yourself or others, seek emergency help right away by calling or texting 988.