The holidays can be a time of connection, comfort, and ritual – but for many married couples, they also bring pressure, old family dynamics, conflicting expectations, or emotional fatigue. Even in the best circumstances, this season has a way of shining a light on the places where partners may feel stretched thin, out of sync, or simply overwhelmed.
If you and your partner are trying to figure out how to navigate holidays as a married couple, you’re not alone. This time of year tends to stir up more emotions, more decisions, and more opportunities for misunderstanding. The good news? With some intention and teamwork, you can support each other through the season and protect the parts of your relationship that matter most.
Below are a few practices I often share with couples during this time of year – small, realistic habits that help you stay connected, grounded, and emotionally steady.
1. Choose a Daily Focus Together
Holidays pull us in a lot of different directions – errands, travel, school programs, expectations, extended family, or simply the emotional weight of the season. One of the simplest ways to stay grounded as a couple is choosing a shared focus for the day.
Try taking the time to ask each other:
“What do we need most today?”
Connection? Rest? Structure? Space? A moment of ease?
Don’t let the constrictions of the day block expressing what you feel like you might need. For example: the day is packed with wall to wall activities, but you feel like you need rest. Still voicing this is important, even if the day doesn’t provide the space you are hoping for! You and your partner can then work collaboratively to get needs met.
When couples are aligned on a simple intention, the day feels more manageable – and you’re less likely to get swept up in stress without noticing.
2. Protect the Plans You Make
The holidays can stretch our bandwidth in ways we’re all familiar with. And with virtual communication making it easier than ever to cancel or quietly retreat when things feel overwhelming, it’s understandable that plans can start to slip.
But showing up for the commitments you’ve made (as well as the ones to each other, even the small, ordinary ones) can be one of the most grounding supports in a relationship. When you follow through on shared plans, whether it’s a dinner with friends, a holiday tradition, or an evening set aside just for the two of you, you reinforce the sense that your relationship is a place of reliability and care.
Honoring these commitments communicates something meaningful:
“You matter. We matter. And I’m choosing to be here with you.”
3. Let Emotions Come Forward Without Judgment
The holidays amplify what’s already present beneath the surface – joy, grief, nostalgia, tension, longing, fear, excitement, loneliness.
Instead of trying to manage or suppress these emotions, practice naming them.
Notice what your body is communicating.
Let your partner in, even just a little.
Listen to what their body is saying.
Practice grace-giving and mutual respect.
You don’t have to fix each other’s internal experience. The goal is to understand it. This is the foundation of emotional connection and one of the most powerful tools couples have during stressful seasons.
4. Make Space for Play and Fun
Many couples underestimate how much they need play – especially during difficult or busy periods. Fun isn’t frivolous; it’s protective. It lowers stress hormones, regulates your nervous system, and strengthens friendship (a foundational concept of the Gottman Method).
Consider asking:
“What’s one small enjoyable thing we can do today?”
It could be a walk to see holiday lights, a favorite movie, a board game, or a simple activity that brings levity. Small fun, practiced consistently, keeps your relationship resilient.
5. Talk Things Out Before Stress Builds Up
Communication doesn’t have to be heavy to be helpful. The Gottman’s suggest 10 min check in per person, per day to share what’s on your mind, which can prevent misunderstandings and bring a sense of teamwork into the day.
Try a brief daily check-in:
What felt good today?
What was stressful?
What are you worried about?
How can we support each other tomorrow?
Talking things out early keeps stress from accumulating and helps you move through the holiday season as partners, not opponents.
Considering Couples Therapy in the New Year
Many couples use the transition into a new year as a moment to reset, repair, or reinvest in their relationship. If you and your partner have noticed patterns you’d like to work on – or if the holidays have brought certain dynamics into clearer focus – beginning couples therapy in January can offer a grounded, structured way forward.
If you’re in Encinitas, the greater San Diego area, Phoenix, or anywhere in California or Arizona through online therapy, I’m here to help you determine whether my approach is a good fit.
If you’re curious about beginning couples work in the new year, you’re welcome to reach out and schedule a consultation so we can explore what support might look like for you.
The content provided in this blog is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for personalized mental health care, diagnosis, or treatment, and does not create a therapist–client relationship between me and the reader.
I am a licensed therapist authorized to provide counseling services only in the states where I hold an active unrestricted license. Readers outside those states should understand that the insights shared here are general and not tailored to individual circumstances.
If you found this post helpful or want to explore these ideas further, I encourage you to reach out to a qualified local mental health provider for support and clarification specific to your situation. If you ever experience a crisis or thoughts of harm to yourself or others, seek emergency help right away by calling or texting 988.