Deciding to seek support from a marriage counselor is a courageous step. Figuring out how to find someone in your area who’s the right fit is the next challenge. The right therapist can help you understand long-standing patterns, navigate conflict more effectively, and rebuild a sense of connection, without feeling you need to stay in therapy for the rest of your relationship. But knowing how to choose a couples therapist – and where to start looking – can sometimes feel overwhelming.
This guide offers a clear, grounded process for finding a marriage counselor in your area. Specifically, those searching for support in Encinitas, the broader San Diego community, Phoenix, or anywhere in California or Arizona through online therapy.
Why Choosing the Right Marriage Counselor Matters
Marriage counseling isn’t just about solving problems – it’s about strengthening the foundation of your relationship. A well-trained couples therapist will help you:
Move beneath the surface of recurring conflict
Communicate with more clarity and empathy
Rebuild trust and emotional safety
Understand the patterns driving disconnection
Create lasting changes rather than temporary fixes
Because couples therapy is complex, it’s important to work with someone whose training and approach truly fit your needs.
1. Look for Therapists With Specialized Couples Training
One of the most important steps in choosing a marriage counselor is confirming that they have specific training in relationship work. Many therapists offer couples therapy, but not all are trained in evidence-based methods.
Strong qualifications to look for include:
Training in the Gottman Method (Level 1, Level 2, Level 3, + advanced specific courses. Ex: Affairs, Trauma, Addiction, etc)
Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy (PACT)
Experience providing relationship counseling as a primary part of their practice
A clear structure for couples sessions
Choosing someone grounded in a research-supported model gives you a stronger roadmap toward progress.
2. Review How They Structure Couples Sessions
Every therapist works differently, so it helps to understand what to expect. Look for clarity around:
Session length (In my work and experience as a couples therapist, I recommend 90 minutes for couples)
Assessment steps at the beginning of treatment
How conflict conversations are guided
Whether the therapist integrates tools, exercises, or structured activities
Options for in-person sessions or online therapy and some discussion on if it’s best for you to meet in person
A well-organized process helps couples move forward instead of feeling like they’re circling the same issues.
3. Ask Helpful Questions Before Committing
Most therapists offer a brief consultation (myself included), and that initial conversation can give you a meaningful sense of their style and approach. Here are important questions to ask a marriage counselor:
How much of your practice is dedicated to couples therapy?
What training do you have in relationship-specific treatment models?
What does the first phase of therapy look like?
How do you support couples during high conflict or shutdown?
How do you ensure both partners feel heard?
These questions help you understand their confidence, structure, and therapeutic style.
4. Pay Attention to How You Feel Talking With Them
A good marriage counselor creates an environment that feels:
Clear and grounded
Emotionally safe
Balanced – never taking sides
Non-judgmental
Focused and structured
You don’t need to feel instantly “fixed,” but you should feel that the therapist understands your relationship and is prepared to guide you.
5. Consider Therapists Trained in the Gottman Method
If you appreciate a structured, research-based approach, you may want to look for Gottman-trained or Gottman-certified therapists.
This method offers:
A clear framework for understanding relationship patterns
Research-backed assessments
Guided exercises and communication tools
Strategies for repair, connection, and emotional safety
A structured path forward during conflict
If you’d like a deeper explanation of the method, please explore my Gottman Method Couples Therapy page.
6. Choose a Therapist Who Understands Your Community
Local fit matters. For some couples, being able to access in-person therapy is essential for some couples. For others, online therapy provides the flexibility they need.
Working with a marriage counselor who understands the pace, pressures, and culture of your area often helps the work feel more grounded and relevant.
I’m located in Encinitas, and am also able to meet with couples online across California and Arizona – you can review my licensure here.
Final Thoughts
Finding the right marriage counselor starts with knowing what matters most – solid training, a thoughtful structure, and a therapist whose approach feels steady and trustworthy. With that clarity, you’ll be well-prepared to choose someone who can genuinely support your relationship.
If you’re looking for couples therapy in Encinitas, the wider San Diego area, or online throughout California or Arizona, I’m here to help you determine whether my approach is a good fit for your needs.
If you’re feeling ready to take the next step, I invite you to schedule a free consultation. It’s a simple, low-pressure way for us to meet, talk through what you’re hoping to change, and explore how the process can support both you and your partner.