I love the romantic comedy Hitch (2005), starring Will Smith, Kevin James, and Eva Mendes. It’s hilarious, charming, and endlessly quotable. But while the movie Hitch entertains, it doesn’t exactly offer a blueprint for a healthy, lasting relationship. In fact, as a couples therapist who uses research-based approaches like the Gottman Method, I can confidently say: Hitch’s advice might help you get a date — but it won’t necessarily help you stay happily “hitched.”
The Plot of the Movie Hitch
If you haven’t seen it, Will Smith in the movie Hitch plays Alex “Hitch” Hitchens, a so-called “date doctor” who helps clients impress their romantic interests. His methods? Teach them to change their appearance, act more confident, adopt “cool” mannerisms, and — in the case of Albert (played by Kevin James) — even master a few dance moves.
It’s funny watching Albert, a clumsy but genuine man, stumble his way toward romance. Eventually, he wins the heart of the woman he loves. But there’s a deeper message here — and it’s one I see clients wrestle with in relationship counseling all the time.
The Problem With Hitch’s Advice
From the first scene, Hitch tells Albert to “do something to impress her,” because who Albert naturally is might not be “enough.” While this is played for laughs, it subtly reinforces a belief many people carry into relationships:
“If I change who I am, then I’ll be liked — maybe even loved.”
In the world of Hitch the movie, that works. In real life, however, changing yourself to fit someone else’s expectations often leads to disconnection, resentment, and a loss of authenticity.
What Real Relationship Experts Know
In couples therapy, particularly the Gottman Method, we focus on building intimacy and trust by showing up as your real self. Healthy, lasting relationships are built on authenticity, emotional safety, and mutual respect — not on playing a part.
The truth is:
Lie: You must change who you are in order to be loved.
Truth: You can be loved exactly as you are, because you are enough.
Why This Matters for Your Relationship
If you’ve ever acted differently just to win someone’s approval — maybe pretending to like a certain hobby, dressing in a way that doesn’t feel like “you,” or hiding your true opinions — you’ve probably felt how exhausting it can be. Over time, this erodes trust and emotional connection.
Instead of putting on a performance, consider this: the right person will value you, not a version of you tailored for their preferences.
What to Do Instead of “Playing a Role”
In my work providing relationship counseling and Gottman Method therapy, I help couples and individuals:
Develop confidence in expressing their authentic selves
Communicate needs clearly without fear of rejection
Resolve conflicts in ways that build connection rather than walls
Create shared meaning and deeper intimacy
These are the foundations of real, lasting love — the kind that keeps couples truly hitched.
The Takeaway
Will Smith in Hitch might make us laugh, but real relationships need more than clever pickup lines and dance moves. They need honesty, vulnerability, and acceptance. You don’t need to change yourself to be worthy of love — you already are.
If you and your partner want to strengthen your connection, work through recurring conflicts, or just feel closer again, I’d love to help. You can schedule a free consult to see how couples therapy could help you create the relationship you’ve been hoping for.
©Grayson Wallen 2021. All Rights Reserved. Terms & Conditions Apply.
Disclaimer: Grayson’s credentials are noted in the footer below. This blog post is not intended to replace therapy or counseling services. While this post may represent psychoeducational content that brings clarity or helps you personally, Grayson encourages you to process your findings and concerns with your mental health counselor and/or other trusted people in your life. If you have questions, comments, or concerns about the content of this post, or want to start counseling please contact Grayson directly.
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