The other day I was on a Zoom call (not a counseling session) and it started like all the others this past year, with the Zoom host starting the meeting with: "In light of the pandemic, we are meeting on Zoom. It has been hard for everyone, but especially for me because…”.
Internally I noticed that I was getting frustrated towards the Zoom host because the obvious implications for Zoom instead of in-person were from the global pandemic, and, that the past year has been difficult for everyone- not just them. Studies are showing that 2020 was not an easy year for anyone and 2021 has been difficult in its ways. Truly there is enough stress for everyone and then some.
As I was reflecting on this experience as the Zoom host was sharing the difficulties that 2020 had brought their way, I pressed into empathy by using my pains to connect with the Zoom host. I did NOT try to override the host with a bigger or better story. I did activate my pains of missing holidays, birthdays, and overall connection with my loved ones this past year… this pain for all of us is readily accessible because we are all in the middle of the pandemic mess. Pressing into my pain allowed me to feel with the Zoom host what they were describing: loss, anxiety, hopelessness, and overall decision fatigue.
We have all seen family conflict over the pandemic, racial injustice, lost jobs, changed jobs, been confronted with real and anticipated threats of death, had financial uncertainty and on top of it, all could not freely leave the home as we all once could. This is painful.
Negating other's experiences so that yours can be known perpetuates a cycle that I found myself in: "you think you have it bad, you should look to see what I have to deal with." In the end, we all want and need to be heard and met with empathy in our experiences to produce a connection in the midst of all that has changed in our lives this past year.
I think that a practical and tangible application out of all of this is that in light of the suffering experienced individually and globally is to offer spaces where we share and listen to one another. Practically there is not enough time for emotional processing and Zoom meeting agendas to both are accomplished. But there is space for human interaction where we can intentionally share the one way that the Pandemic has affected you today. With this in mind, it offers space for people to not negate each other in their experiences with a bigger or better story and allows everyone to be heard and met with empathy in the experience.
As the title of this post would suggest, here are some suggestions on how to empathize with pandemic stress when you are also stressed by the pandemic:
Use the empathy template: “I hear that you are feeling _____, because _____”.
Try to not offer a bigger or better story of stress or problems that beat the other person's experience(s).
Focus on the pain (sounds counterintuitive, but people are looking for others to be with them in their pain, and that is why people share their pain with others).
If you are developing some frustration towards the other person, like I was, you can access your pain and use that as connection fuel in your relationship. An example of that could include: "I have felt this before, and it is so painful" or "Your stress is very relatable for me too”.
Too Long/Didn’t Read: Use your pain to connect with others.
This post originally appeared on www.graysonwallen.com/blog/pandemicstress
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