Relationships that flourish have a shared meaning for the relationship. Shared meaning is what helps couples manage conflict, negotiate during compromise, and drives each other towards one another to make their friendship strong.
The Gottman’s research has found that couples who have known and communicated rituals, roles, goals, and values have greater levels of satisfaction towards their relationship. These four areas can practically help couples zero in on creating meaning in their relationship.
RITUALS
Rituals are expected times and experiences when celebration and connection are emphasized within the relationship. Most notably what happens on your relationship’s anniversary or birthday? What about Christmas? What about when you get a promotion at work? What about a death in the family? Rituals help memorialize the good and tougher experiences of life within the relationship with your partner. Rituals can help relationships have increased expectations for connection, which sets the relationship up to meet those needs.
ROLES
Roles are the responsibilities for each person that they hold within the relationship as well as outside the relationship. Examples of roles that people hold inside a relationship include who cooks meals? How is rent or the mortgage paid for? What happens when one of the children needs help in the middle of the night? What roles outside the relationship does each person hold? Bonus points for couples who can communicate appreciation for each other's roles and responsibilities within and outside the relationship.
GOALS
Goals help direct momentum and change within the relationship. Examples of goals could include financial goals around being completely debt-free or having a home that is your own. Goals also extend to personal fitness and other metrics for health, happiness, and relationships. Goals are generally rooted in the relationship's immediate and long-term future, giving structure to the relationship's trajectory for the future.
VALUES
Values guide the relationship’s decision making which would also include how money is spent, when dinner plans can be made outside the home and how children are raised and corrected. Values are givens that guide each person's decisions that keep the relationship's needs and experiences central in all opportunities. Couples who include their partner through accepting their influence and asking for help or opinions in life decisions would also fall into this portion of meaning-making for the relationship.
The overall application point is surrounding the relationship's culture. Couples who have rituals, roles, goals, and values for the relationship have increased satisfaction for their relationship, manage conflict and foster friendship.
Too Long/Didn’t Read: For a strong relationship, focus on creating rituals, roles, goals, and values.
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