I hate boats. I am sorry if this offends you, but, anything that is not a thrill ride on the water like wakeboarding and rafting behind a boat, I don't like. When I moved to San Diego I was invited to go on a sailboat, I had never been on a sailboat and I didn't have much to do that afternoon, so I went. Bad decision.
I learned on this sailing trip that I needed help, specifically medical help via Scope patches to calm my mind and seasickness with the tossing and turning of riding a sailboat in the middle of the ocean. On this sailboat excursion, I found myself white-knuckling the railing of the ship, disengaging with those around me (who were eating egg salad sandwiches, which is a whole 'nother story for me), praying more incessantly and looking out to the horizon (because that's what I was told to do to help with my waves of overwhelming nausea). This doesn't have to be your experience. I hope that you love sailing and boating because the idea seems fun in concept but I cannot do it.
In the moments where I was battling my body telling me to just swim back to shore (2ish miles away at the time), I was doing what I could: holding onto the rail, looking to the horizon, not thinking about engaging with others (because all my “hands” were on deck to keep me alive) and practicing some of the self-soothing exercises I prescribe to my clients while they are in distress like I was.
With uncertain feelings, not much helps reduce the problematic experience; in my mind, not much besides getting off the boat at the shore would reduce my nausea and anxiety (though it would help if the other people on the boat stopped eating egg salad. But there was no chance of that). I wished to be able to relax and enjoy the open water, gaze at a few dolphins and maybe even see a mermaid or something. But I was focused on doing what I could to make my situation one percent better.
Now, what activities right now are causing some anxiety or distress for you? What ways are you white-knuckling the guard rails of life, your budget or your health? With as much uncertainty as we as humans are experiencing there is reason to try to just look to the horizon and not engage with those around us and just survive. There is hope for a better future and in light of the pain or discomfort experienced right now, we think that disengaging with others (and our own experience) will help us get to comfort.
Some of these tactics may be true: we can only take in so much information each day and as news and the implications of news change every hour, there is a real sense of burnout and uncertainty with all things COVID-19. We can hold onto our values to make good decisions, we can keep our eyes fixed on the horizon and we can do some deep breathing (I promise I take this advice too). But there are also times where disengagement leaves us hollow and missing outright what is in front of us.
In my boating story, I started to relax when the sailor turned his ship around back for shore. At that point, I was able to let go of the railing and had some drinking water, which helped my overall discomfort. When I was able to get to a point where I trusted myself to keep myself safe, my uncertainty and intensity of distress went down. I think that there is something human about this; when we trust ourselves, we can be uncomfortable and alert while being safe and subsequently somewhat relaxed from our distress.
Now is the time to listen to the Health Officials and Government to help all Americans (and other humans, not just Americans) let COVID-19 become a problem of the past. But we can also trust ourselves to do what we can like to wash our hands, not hoard food/resources when our neighbor needs them and engage with those around us in both safe and honoring ways. This cannot be done until you allow yourself to be trusted and therefore feel safe. (Side note: if your safety is determined by other people/circumstances, then work on identifying the ways you can make yourself feel safe and continue to do those things instead of letting others be Captain of your emotions).
So while you do what you can in this season of uncertainty, allow yourself to trust yourself to meet everyday needs for fun, rest, stress, exercise, connection, and care. When we focus on these and control only what we can control, the Shelter-in-Place orders and social distancing becomes a little easier and we all get a little healthier.
If you are wondering if I have been on other boats since then, the answer is yes. I now have a strong preference for boats with engines, and the size of the boat does not determine the extent of my distress. But I can say with some certainty that Scope Patches mixed with some deep breathing has helped me engage with my loved ones on boats… just so long as they are not sailing boats.
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