What is meta-emotion?
According to the American Psychological Association (Dictionary of Psychology: Second Edition, 2007, p.645), meta-emotion is: “one’s awareness of and attitude towards one’s own and other’s emotions. For example, some people have negative attitudes towards anger in themselves or anyone else; others like to encourage anger. Some are ashamed of being too happy; others strive for such a state”.
In short: emotions about your emotions.
Exploring emotions with kids (adult ones and/or pediatric ones) can be difficult because typically kids experience emotions at a large scale: when they are angry it's big anger. After all, no one likes being angry. Plus, some emotions like sadness take a lot of energy out of us. Witnessing and sitting with someone else’s anxiety can make us more anxious and so on.
Dr. John Gottman is known for researching adult relationships in the '70s has found in his research on parent-child relationships that children who have parents that endorse and ultimately coach their child’s emotions have stronger attachments with their child. The child also is found to have more control and usability with intense emotions with less likelihood for other mental health concerns, adverse childhood events, and recovered from stress efficiently (Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child, 1997, p.39).
Navigating emotion is one of the most important skills parents develop with their child(ren) so that the child(ren) can develop meaningful relationships with others and experience their emotions holistically.
As adults, many emotions can be understood with support from friends, family, or your therapist. Feeling the feeling is a difficult task, especially when multiple emotions are happening simultaneously like anger and sadness that we have towards someone or an event.
For parents to have space in their schedule to attune and attach with their child(ren) in even the most complex emotional experiences teaches the child(ren) that emotions are good, safe, and welcome.
In therapy, I invite emotion and help people make sense of what is happening inside them. For starters, if you have experienced this with me it is a great starting block. If you have not experienced the invitation of emotions, here is a 6-step rundown of 3 years of graduate education in counseling as well as practice in emotion coaching:
Name the emotion(s)
Name the physical sensations of the emotion(s)
Name the current situation(s) that prompted the emotion(s)
Allow the mind to bring to memory other (past) experiences that are related
Listen with empathy and respect for the emotional experience
Validate + Repeat until emotion feels neutralized and resolved (this does not mean that the emotion is erased, but that the emotion feels resolved in that there is an action prompted or sense of closure facilitated).
Resources:
Too Long/Didn’t Read: Emotions are important to childhood development. Dr. John Gottman is much smarter than me, so if you want more information check out his book: Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child.
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