Any relationship bears some level of importance to you and your story. Meaning comes from experiences both positive or negative. For many people in the United States, the question of “what were you doing on 9/11” strikes us in unique and meaningful ways (both negative because the day was marked by fear and death; or positive in how Americans came together to support and care for one another). With this example and in life, meaning comes from experiences.
To make your relationships more meaningful, it comes by holding onto the experiences that you had with the other person or people. Maybe in one of your more difficult relationships, the meaning that you hold onto is that the relationship makes you feel insecure or lonely. That is the meaning of the relationship. Maybe the meaning of your best relationship in life is marked by safety and security, the meaning is that you are safe and secure amongst other emotions that also come along with safety and security. Keeping in mind that relationships play a role in our lives is the first step to creating more meaning in all your relationships; meaning does not have to come from only the positive and enjoyable relationships in life.
Meaning is also what makes relational conflict so difficult, stress so stressful, and what the words used in relationships so important. Meaning is what drove Americans in later 2001 to band together. Meaning is what drives us to make sense of the COVID-19 Pandemic as we all adjust to a new "normal".
Creating meaning in relationships comes from intentional acts of turning into the relationship with your needs, vulnerabilities, successes, fears, laughs, ideas, and inspirations. Looking to another person in your life and being able to share with them what is happening and what type of meaning there is in the rest of your life, will inherently add meaning and value to the relationship as you share more deeply and consistently. Keep in mind that this is a two-way street; so you having the opportunity to hold a space for your friend or loved one is equally as them holding the same space for you.
For more difficult relationships in life, the challenge is that the relationship is difficult and you may not want to make meaning around the difficulty… because it is difficult. Another way to think about difficult relationships is less about the difficult person and more about yourself. Asking questions like: how is this changing me, what am I learning about myself, what am I learning about my needs/vulnerabilities/strengths in this relationship? All these questions can create meaning that is more about your responses and needs as opposed to the pain. Allow the pain to show you why the pain is painful, rather than attributing pain to the other person in the relationship.
Developing your relationships with your loved ones takes time and will become more important to you as you rely on them more both for the tougher experiences and the lighthearted ones as well. In difficult relationships, there is space for you to see yourself in a new way. Practice looking into the relationship to learn, rely, and depend on the relationship as you grow, change, and live.
Too Long/Didn’t Read: Relationships are important; if you don’t look into the relationship for the relationship to fill a need that you or the other person has, the relationship will struggle to be meaningful. Flip this around and the relationship will be meaningful as you and the other person rely on it more and more. In difficult relationships focus on yourself and there will be meaning for you to cherish.
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