How long does it take to have a good relationship? What do you do during that time? Six hours to a better relationship seems like a long time, does it really take that much time every week?

The Gottman's research shows that couples who wish to have a positive and satisfying relationship need to spend six hours per week investing in the relationship in strategic ways.

The practice of the Magic Six Hours is found in Dr. John Gottman's Love Lab observations (that started in the '70s and continue through today) of couples to learn what makes relationships work.

The bigger idea behind the six hours has to do with how the couple engages with one another in light of anything that happens and this process takes time… according to Dr. John Gottman, it takes approximately six hours per week (see The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work).

So what are the six hours made of?

Here are things to think through to have a better relationship, using the Magic 6 Hours:

1. Partings: How do you leave at the beginning of the day, or when you need to separate from your partner, what happens?

2. Reunions: Same as partings but what happens regularly when you or your partner returns to the relationship? Including a space for you and your partner to let off some steam can help the relationship settle in after a long day.

3. Appreciation + Admiration: Keeping a positive tone to your relationship takes work, using appreciative statements like “I saw you bought some chips for dinner tonight- thanks!” and admiring statements like “I have been looking forward to seeing you all day” can really set the tone of your relationship in the right direction, right away.

4. Affection: Keeping in mind that we all need to hear, feel and see our partner's love for us, this can look a variety of ways. My go-to is a simple: "I love you".

5. Date Night: Weekly time spent together nurturing fun, love, and connection.

6. State of the Union Meetings: This meeting involves what is happening in the relationship like finances, quality/frequency of sex, plans for work or vacations, etc.

If you spend 2 minutes per workday on partings, 20 minutes per workday on reunions, 10 minutes daily on expressing appreciation + admiration + affection, 120 minutes once a week for a date night and an additional 60 minutes once a week on your State of the Union meeting will bring you right to 6 hours that week.

It’s Magic!

Attached below is a PDF download from The Gottman Institute on the Magic 6 Hours:

Too Long/Didn’t Read: The Gottman's research shows that couples who wish to have a positive and satisfying relationship need to spend six hours per week investing in the relationship in strategic ways.

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