The average age of first exposure to pornography has been reported to be as early as 5 years old. Children under 10 years old account for almost a quarter of all porn use today. Not only are people being introduced to porn at an early (prepubescent) age, there is consistent individual use through adulthood. Porn literally rewires the brain to have social and emotional needs of the person met through porn use. The genuine meeting of needs can never come from any form of cybersex, but the brain has a difficult time distinguishing between what is synthetic and what is genuine, thus making pornography consumption particularly addictive as developmental milestones and life stressors are met with the coping skill of an on-demand sexual experience. Not to mention the accessibility of pornography use has skyrocketed as many of us have tech devices in our pockets and even on our wrists. Porn is an on-demand sexual experience that can become habitual, or addictive. How do you know if you are addicted to porn? Here are two areas that porn is habitually resourced instead of other forms of coping.
Social Needs “Met” Through Porn
A feeling of connectedness to others comes from the sexual experience that porn facilitates. Over time, resourcing porn is easier than engaging in meaningful relationships. Why does this happen? Well, porn ensures a concentrated payout of organic feel-good chemicals (Oxytocin, Dopamine, and Vasopressin, all are related to stress reduction, rewards, and bonding) in the brain during orgasm. Some of our most important relationships will never get to that level of a payout, let alone payout of that consistency. Social needs cannot be met through any form of cybersex, though cybersex facilitates a feeling of connectedness to others (main connectedness to the image(s) that caused sexual climax). When we feel connected to others, we are less likely to engage with others- think if you have had a good conversation with a loved one or a friend, are you going to dive into another deep and meaningful conversation? Likely no. Same with porn use, after the need to be connected to others, is met, engaging with other people in real life is not going to be attractive. This causes social withdrawal and less pay off for real relationships when cyber-sexual relationships are on command, easy and contingent only on the user’s preferences. Whereas real relationships require a fostering, give and take as well as diligence. Porn “meets” social needs by mimicking the reward system in the brain that connectedness and intimacy has been experienced, but the reality is that an individualized, synthetic and on-command sexual experience is what has actually happened, leaving a delta between the user’s internal experience (pleasure and connectedness) and reality (intimacy with a screen).
Emotional Needs “Met” Through Porn
Everyone has bad days. Everyone (or just most people) craves ice cream after a long day at work. When we are emotionally drained looking for the way you will be recharged or encouraged is a sign of health. Finding healthy ways (via self-care- take the Check-Up!!) to cope with the ups and downs of life is to goal. Because porn is an on command, individualized and potent experience that can be relied on, those addicted to porn will habitually resource porn to cope with both the difficult and the happy experiences of life. Especially considering the longevity of some user’s use, porn can have been used consistently throughout many of the major developmental milestones as a form of coping instead of self-regulation, tolerance with difficult feelings/experiences and communicating with other human beings. Porn “meets” the emotional needs of a user by releasing calming chemicals to deal with difficult times of life as well as pleasure chemicals to celebrate the happier times in life- paring all emotional needs being met through porn. Because the user is never let down (always paid out at the conclusion of porn use), porn use is relied on more heavily.
Conclusion
The tie between habitual use, social needs, and emotional needs met through porn is a tie to the user's individualized and on command experience. Porn use is detrimental to human relationships as it causes us to rely less and less on real humans because there is a (social and emotional) risk, vulnerability and less potent of a chemical release. Discontinuing porn use without considering the social and emotional needs that porn is meeting will cause hallow recovery that may not stick. The bottom line is that porn is serving a greater purpose than a sexual experience for those who are addicted.
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