In therapy, we talk about ourselves and others. We talk about what happened to us and around us, including what we and others did or said. When discussing our inner world, that is what therapists and counselors call (emphasis here) The Self which includes the inner dialogue, thoughts, feelings, experiences, memories, needs and vulnerabilities we all carry throughout our everyday lives.

When talking about The Self, the focus is on you or yourself, but not just you as you are sitting in therapy (or reading this post), but the parts of you that are shaken by the bad news you found out recently, and the wounds that passive-aggressive emails bring and the memories (happy and sad) that shape you. The Self focuses on the entire lived experience both now and then and the work of engaging with or talking with The Self is learning about the drives and meanings of your behaviors, your thoughts, and your needs and then mindfully acting in light of them.

Keep in mind that this is all happening really fast within you and at first glance can be hard to distinguish what was past, what is present and what needs you have. But with constant practice and non-judgment, you can examine your pains, triumphs, and vulnerabilities as they are occurring in your life in meaningful and respectful ways. 

For example, with the passive-aggressive emails we all get from time to time, they hurt not because the email is hurtful but because of what the email represents. I can remember the last passive-aggressive email I got made me feel small and inadequate and wrong. In my inner-world, I like to be seen and known as trustworthy and competent, which had nothing to do with the content of the email sent; the email was not about how not trustworthy or incompetent I was, but that is how I felt about it. My Self was feeling hurt and misunderstood, which is a pain for many of us because we are human when we are misunderstood.

Being able to recognize what parts of you are responding at the moment is a true sign of being in touch with your Self. Being able to see that your distress is not about the other person but you and why it is hurtful is the gold of inner world work. Keeping in mind what things, people, conflict, and relationships mean to us, is a great first step at understanding your Self.

TL; DR: Engaging with or talking with The Self is learning about the drives and meanings of your behaviors, your thoughts, and your needs and then mindfully acting in light of them.

©Grayson Wallen 2021. All Rights Reserved. Terms & Conditions Apply.

Disclaimer: Grayson’s credentials are noted in the footer below. This blog post is not intended to replace therapy or counseling services. While this post may represent psychoeducational content that brings clarity or helps you personally, Grayson encourages you to process your findings and concerns with your mental health counselor and/or other trusted people in your life. If you have questions, comments, or concerns about the content of this post, or want to start counseling please contact Grayson directly.

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