Emotional Quotient (EQ) is not the same is Intellectual Quotient (IQ). There are tests/assessments out there to measure your EQ, but to measure your EQ you do not need a test to tell you how emotionally intelligent you are. You can reflect on a recent tense exchange with your boss or partner or loved one. You may have felt pressured to talk, you could have also felt like your heart was about to pound itself out of your chest. Maybe your symptoms made you want to run away or do whatever you can to get out of the situation you were in. Perhaps, you were cool on the outside, but on the inside, the fire alarm was going off. Emotionally speaking, you were starting to unravel.

How did you handle the tense situation? Were you able to identify emotions that you experienced in real time, or were you overwhelmed? Did you maintain composure and ignore your emotions, or did you let everyone around you know how you really felt?

Increasing your EQ is just as important as increasing your IQ. As you mature through developmental stages, your intelligence, and your emotional capacity to hold difficult feelings grow together. In western society, we overtly value IQ in the expectations for people to get higher education degrees, the increasing relevance of podcasts and how our schedules are bombarded with things to do rather than exercising good self-care routines that involve reflection and rest.

Here are 5 ways that you can develop your emotional intelligence this week:

1. Identify emotions multiple times throughout the day, not just when you are mad/sad/glad. Moving out of identifying mad/sad/glad and into more nuanced emotions like puzzled/repugnant/sensuous. Identifying more detailed emotions takes time, just like developing a palate for coffee or wine. Take your time, reference a feeling word chart to help you identify possible words that perfectly describe your current situation.

2. Sleep at least 8 hours a night. When you sleep less than 8 hours/night, you are setting yourself up to experience more emotions that are distressful and unpleasant. Your brain needs more time in bed to directly and specifically identify complex emotions.

3. Practice regular forms of self-care. You will be able to identify positive emotions with the negative ones when you are set up to have regular good experiences in your life. Practicing self-care has benefits outside of emotional intelligence. If you want to take a Self Care Check Up, check out mine!

4. Talk to other people about the emotions that they are experiencing. Sometimes, you are able to identify when other people are experiencing complex emotions. Practice by asking yourself, “I wonder what they are feeling right now”. Now, do not go off telling others what they must feel, but check in with people when you think that they are experiencing an emotion. If you are wrong, they will tell you and you can learn to identify emotions better in yourself by identifying emotion in others.

5. Try journaling about your feelings. I have two blog posts about journaling and self-reflection. For more information, check out 5 Tips for Creating Meaningful Journal Entries and What is Contemplative Prayer!

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Disclaimer: Grayson’s credentials are noted in the footer below. This blog post is not intended to replace therapy or counseling services. While this post may represent psychoeducational content that brings clarity or helps you personally, Grayson encourages you to process your findings and concerns with your mental health counselor and/or other trusted people in your life. If you have questions, comments, or concerns about the content of this post, or want to start counseling please contact Grayson directly.

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